You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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