I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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