How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
