Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
