I'm lost and stupid without you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
