I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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