so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
