yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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