I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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