I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
