Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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