im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
