my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
