help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
