I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
