I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
