im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
