Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
