u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
