my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
