last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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