i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Sexting was not on an AP level
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
