Tell her she can't have a vagina
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
