I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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