I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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