I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize