I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
