Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
