Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
