I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
