Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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