Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
worst night to have a conscience
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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