They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
