she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
