I didn't shave. On purpose
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
