he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
