OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
