Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize