When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
