so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
