i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
