:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
