I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize