All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
