Your face is a jimmy john
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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