Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
