Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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