The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
