did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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