I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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