i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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