mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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