"it" just moved
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
