I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
