I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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