I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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