It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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