You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
