Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
