i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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