Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
