You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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