In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
