I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How external is "for external use only"?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
