Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
