HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
