She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
