I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
