I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
