going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
