Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
