Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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