im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
