I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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