Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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