Welp...herpes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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