having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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