I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
