tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
