just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
