Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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