bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
