First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
