I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
