only if we run a train.
done.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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