Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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