You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize