Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
