It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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