i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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