There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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