woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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