And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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